On my best behaviour

I'm becoming a jet-setter.
Well, almost.
I'm getting used to regular 14 hour jumps across the world. I now have a whole system worked out, tried and tested, in order to arrive as fresh as I possibly can and propel myself into my girlfriend's arms, in SFO domestic terminal. My special kit involves earplugs (at least 3 of them, as one always escapes), elasticated eye-mask, inflatable pillow ( looks stupid, is heavenly), and Nytol sleeping pills. Exactly 5 minutes after a successful take-off ( if figure that if the plane crashes I'll either need all my brain to get out through the flames, and that if we all die it won't matter if I'm drugged up or not anyway), I pop 2 pills, and out I am for 8 hours. I only surface for food, opening one eye at a time, head still lolling on said pillow. I wake up 30 minutes before landing, stretch, and get ready to face the customs people.

- Good afternoonofficer! ( me, breezy, smiling, on my best behaviour)
- Why do you come to the United States ? ( uniformed man impervious to warm eye contact)
- On holidays,kind Sir ( slight , hopeful lilt)
- what will you be doing in the United States?
- sex, drugs, general bad-mouthing of your incredibly incompetent government, oh, and trying to steal your job.Well, you know... holiday stuff
- When were you here last time? For how long?
- February, 9 days
- Who paid for your ticket?
- I did... ( slightly indignant tone)
- Are you seeking employment in the United States?
- yawn - no, I have a job, thank you very much (internal sigh)
- who lives at this address? (points at landing card)
- my girlfriendboyfriend
(stamps furiously)
- thank you Lieutenant! have a good day!

It gets more fun every time.