All fired up

I’m considering applying for Belgian citizenship. Or Luxemburger. Or even Swiss. Things are getting that bad.

It’s getting too tiring owning a French passport. I’m not even talking about the systematic you-have-been-randomly-selected-for-secondary-security-search in airports. I’ve got used to those, as I said they are systematic- systematically me out of the 20 possible punters. French passport, anyone? Yeah, that one there, let’s randomly select her, shall we? As a result, I put on easy-to-remove shoes before going to Heathrow and as little jewellery as possible, because I will have to remove the former and stand there in my cute stripy socks while the latter beeps suspiciously. As a result I have learnt to not have a runny nose when my belongings/person are being searched by zealous airport officials. Trust me, they don’t let you get a tissue out of your pocket without pouncing on you.
No, the airport shenanigans I’ve got used to. It helps pass the time, actually. It just worries me when I think how much of their time they waste on me while possible terrorists with non-French passports ,lots of jewelery and socks with holes in them, might be free to roam the departure lounge. Pff.
What bothers me is how much people have been using the war and its diplomatic repercussions to reinforce their xenophobia. On a bad day, I am getting an inkling of what it might have been like to be German in the 50s. On a good day, I am sick of hearing that the French are arrogant – oh, really. I’m pissed off at that out-of-the blue boycott of French food (for hygiene reasons, sure, sure) that has been going on. And if I hear again ‘we saved your ass in WWII’, even as a joke, I think I’ll explode.
So, anyway. I do get heated up.
My point was.. oh yeah. All that backlash in the (serious) British press these last few days about the government lying to the public about the war; good, I say, about time.
What makes me sad is that no matter what happens now regarding public opinion on the war itself, one thing will not go back : xenophobia gained more ammunition; as invalid or unfounded as this ammunition will prove to have been, the xenophobia will remain. Along with being arrogant, the French government –as well as every passport-bearer henceforth– will also be a confederacy of cowards. Stylish, yes, but not to be trusted. Oh, and, French women don't shave their armpits, did you know?

Gratefully and shamelessly quoted from Me talk pretty one day :
‘The French have decided to ignore our self-proclaimed superiority, and this is translated as arrogance. To my knowledge, they’ve never said that they were better than us; they’ve just never said that we’re the best. Big deal. Americans are raised to believe that the citizens of Europe should be grateful for all the wonderful things that we’ve done. Movies stereotype the people of France as boors and petty snobs. Every day we are told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it is always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos were born between July 23 and august 22, fitted sheets measure sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it’s startling to realize than other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are ‘We’re number two!’
David Sedaris


Before I make my application, I’ll need to make some careful research ; what’s the stereotype for Belgians?

In the meantime, I will endeavour to take pictures of all my French female relatives' and friends' armpits and post them here. They all shave.