Smell yourself to better health

When I was wee, it seemed there was no ailment that my grandmother couldn’t cure with herbal concoctions. The smell of it brings me back to when I as the centre of the universe.. Perhaps that’s what makes me feel better. J has been taking the piss out of my valiant attempt to fight the Cold from the inner circle of Hell with herbs, calling me a hippie and monologuing as follows:

There’s been an accident on the M25, there are ambulances and helicopters and police cars and a gigantic pile up, dozens and dozens of people are seriously injured or dying, when from the crowd comes a voice:
- Let me through, I’m an aromatherapist! This is lavender oil, I’ll apply it to your ear lobes. See, doesn’t that feel nice? It’ll help your relax. I also have tea tree oil, let me apply it to that stump where your leg was.. Ah, you’re leaning over the side, see, you’re already relaxing ..
- No, says the truck driver, I’m trying to reach my leg so I can fucking hit you with it.
I don’t care if he sneers and jibes. Thyme rules.

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Last night I foolishly left a pair of leather flip-flops outside the garden door. This morning I found the chewed , pathetic remains of one of them in the overgrown grass. Foxes are getting hungrier, Internet.

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My mom is visiting.
She talks about the weather a lot.