Incongruous gayness
In the staff room this morning, I noticed a perfect incongruity on the coffee table. It had been placed there by an obviously unsuspecting secretary. (we don’t have PAs where I work, we’re not that modern.) I picked it up with as much nonchalance as I could summon, aware of the possibility of my guilty secret being discovered.
Today The Times’ T2 supplement titled ‘Where have all the gays gone?’, above a Pierre et Gilles type picture of an effeminate blue-eyed, rosy-cheeked sailor. On the first page of one of Britain’s most conservative daily papers, could that be a good thing? I dared not hope for too much, but still smuggled it home – I doubt anyone else would have been interested anyway.

So what conclusions does the Times come up with? Here come the quotes.

’The latest census suggests that gay couples are still reluctant to reveal their sexual orientation. Our correspondent says many gays, particularly outside the cities, experience homophobia’.

Scintillating. Really.

‘It’s even harder to be a gay woman’.
No shit? Thank you, The Times.

‘Gays are still reluctant to come out and therefore are woefully under-represented in the Office of National Statistics census.’
Mmm. I wonder why. Is it because they might lose their job/get their head bashed in, by any chance?


‘There are two basic reasons why gay couples seem to be thin on the ground. The first requires a bit of honesty about the “gay lifestyle”. A lot of gays have the morals of tomcats. Some would rather be married to promiscuity than have a loving, faithful relationship. Certainly much of what passes for the gay scene — the clubs, bars and magazines — encourages sexual adventurism and hanging from chandeliers, rather than the boring stuff of commitment and growing old contentedly. There are hopes that the new civil partnership legislation will throw a large bucket of icy water over all these gays on heat: I doubt it.’

Yay! Exactly what your faithful readership wants to hear, but does not need to hear. Pile it on.
Wait, don’t throw up yet, there’s more –from a gay journalist:

‘When people assume that I’m straight in conversation, I don’t disabuse them. Why should I? I quite often cringe when I hear someone talking very frankly about their gayness. It’s embarrassing; it’s bad manners. It’s the conversational equivalent of the novelty tie — “look at me, I’m so different and exciting compared with you boring old straights.”

And this is why my place of employment subscribes to The Times, and why, sometimes, I feel like I’m selling out.