Purposeless

1) I know. Distinct lack of update. But you see, this is what happened, and I'm not making anything up or anything:

2) I was kidnapped by strangers, thrown into the back of an unmarked white van and driven, bound and gagged and kicking, to an unknown location. 'No! I shouted through the fitly rag covering my mouth, You can't ! I have responsibilities! I have a readership! Of at least 30 people! I can't leave them without an update on the wondrous life of Y! And who will feed the cat? I kicked and thrashed in spite of the bondage white tape binding me. Then one of my kidnappers, breathing a lager and vinegar crisps kind of breath, said that a bunch of fed up readers had in fact paid them good money to kidnap me, tie me up, gag me and throw me into the back of that white van, and that later on I would be sleeping with the fishes, as they say in that movie. Oh, I said quietly. Fine. If I come out of it alive, I promise my blogposts won't expand on the shiny happiness that is my daily existence. Later on I escaped, because I was brought up on Nancy Drew and I'm incredibly resourceful. On that note, I 've always wondered why in the French translation she is called Alice Roy. Mmm? Anyone?

3) I'm so lying. The white van, the lager and vinegar crisps breath, the gag, the kicking, the fishes and the money are all inventions. The bondage tape, on the other hand..

4) I have spent most of the week being bored at work, so bored that I have tried to finish all my sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." People didn't react, so I considered stapling myself to my desk for excitement. Or stapling someone else to my desk. Or as often as possible, skip rather than walk. Or write in a colleague's planner, in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights." In my book, if it's not forbidden, it's allowed.
Just bored.

5) last night I dreamt that the French president was dead. Mm. Interesting choice of embodiment for my father/autority figure. What do I do now? Organise elections and find a new one? Suggestions, people of blogland, please.

6) I'm being ridiculously happy.