30-something handed me this stick – it’s called 7 things.

Seven Things I Plan To Do Before I Die:

Plan? Me? No.

Seven Things I Can Do:
1. chew and walk
2. rub my belly and my head
3. pancakes.
4. Cartwheels.
5. origami in the shape of female genitalia
6. I’m a mean cuddler, but then I did learn from the best.
7. Pee very, very far. (I always won every competition.)


Seven Things I Can Not Do:

1. The splits. I used to, and now I can’t, although I have recurring dreams about it. I wonder what it means. *paging Dr Freud*
2. Wear odd socks.
3. Sit through a film in which a character is being treated unfairly, even if I know s/he’ll get even at the end.
4. Bear the sound of sports commentaries. I just get a rash.
5. act interested in wedding/sprogs pictures.
6. j says ‘tie your shoelaces’, but he’s grossly exaggerating.
7. eat a prune without farting for the next two days.


Seven Things I Say The Most:

1. Putain de bordel de merde. That’s a combo of 3 of the rudest French words you can get, and it’s very, very satisfying to utter. Try it.
2. It sucks donkey balls.
3. ay ay ay!
4. Bollocks.
5. Bring it!
6. Ok, but don’t yell.
7. mon gros matou chéri que j’aime - but only to my cat.

Seven Books I Love:

1. The heart is a lonely hunter – Carson Mc Cullers
2. They call me Mad Dog – Erika Lopez
3. Plateform –Michel Houellbecq
4. Slammerkin – Emma Donoghue
5. The Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
6. Au Bonheur des Dames – Emile Zola
7. Exquisite Corpse – Poppy Z Brite

So, that was nearly impossible.
I left out ‘ 7 things I find attractive about the opposite sex’ as well as ‘the same sex’. I don’t know why.