EVIL CASTLE LAIR - ULTRAMODERN COMFORT WITH AN EVIL GOTHIC FLAIR!
Sure, everyone wants a castle lair -- they're cool, scary, and a lot more fun to torture people in. But they're also cold, damp, expensive to maintain; and it's impossible to fit a proper Genetics Lab or Pleasure Pit into those little stone rooms!
That's why Scaramanga & No S.A., the world's leading Evil Architects & Contractors, have introduced the VLAD TEPES SERIES EVIL CASTLE LAIR. It's a fully modern and functional lair built within a castle-shaped fiberglass shell, that looks so real it even fools English Heritage. Includes Master Bedroom, 3 guest suites, 4.5 bath, Grand Ballroom, computer center, medical center/torture chamber, indoor pool, servants barracks, home theater system, Wild Boar Feeding Arena, missile silo, and central air. Includes convenient, obvious self-destruct mechanism.
Price: Starts at US$99,999,999,99 from Villains supply. For all your villain needs.
6 comments:
When are you moving in?
As soon as I find the 'Voucher for an evil castle lair' in my Christmas stocking, obviously.
Call me traditional but I've always hankered after a Subterranean Island Base (with volcano upgrade of course). Partly because of the warmer climate and partly because of the sharks.
You can't call yourself a proper supervillain if you don't have sharks.
Tropical islands lack that gothic je-ne-sais-quoi, you know? But a little one with a nice volcano would do for winter quarters.
Gothic-shmothic. A nice tropical island beats out a drafty old castle any day.
Or perhaps I just think that now 'cause I'm freezing my nads off here..
I much prefer the 400' yacht that breaks into three speed boats, a submarine escape craft and a floating bomb (where the secret agent who's managed to get aboard will most certainly be when all the other pieces take off...).
That's the secret agent who know's that you know who he is but doesn't let on you know that he knows that you know, all the while romancing your wife/husband/significant other who is so beautiful that no one can fathom why he/she would be with such an evil troll in the first place, my god, it's probably just for the money, I mean, he/she's so horrific looking that why would anyone in their right mind, you know....
sorry. too much coffee this morning. I'll go away now...
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