I really don't like this
1. There is an undercurrent of anger and despair flowing right underneath the surface. I think it’s always been there, but it’s risen in recent months.
2. I am afraid I am going to snap. Lose my shit if someone is mean to me; start bawling if someone is nice.
3. As a result, I withdraw. It’s not fair to snap.
4. I’ve postponed a date that was planned for tonight. She’s cute, bright, stylish. But I feel too caught up in my internal vicious circle monologue to be available even for a date. I don’t feel I have anything to offer.
5. To break out of this internal vicious circle monologue thing, I should really go out on dates. Back to square one.
6. Why did I resist the urge to throw the loaf of bread against the wall? The worst that could have happened would be funny shaped toast. And maybe it would have made me feel better.
7. I am losing some friends. One part of me thinks they’re right; why should they stick around someone so caught up in her own misery? I brought it upon myself. A smaller part of me thinks friends stick around no matter what. Ah, the great myth of female friendships.
8. I hate self-pity. So what d I do now? Watch tv, I suppose.
Michel Simon dans un musée du sexe ?
5 years ago
9 comments:
I'm guessing (again) here, so forgive me if I am wide off the mark.
Losing a partner is much the same as going through a bereavement, of which there are for distinct phases: Shock, dispair, anger, acceptance.You just need time to adjust and it's just going to take a while. If you are having trouble coping, you might want to consider talking to your doctor. And no, you're not crazy, just bruised. :)
Hope that helps.
Cyberesque
Ah, Cyberlady; I am familiar with the theory of bereavement, for I have been there several times. I have slowly, so slowly been moving through the stages.. and back again. Some steps forward, many steps backwards. I wish I could separate the break up pain from the overall pain, and deal with them independently. But it doesn't happen that way. I hate to wallow, yet I do wallow; I guess it has to be done.
(from a boy's perspective, girls have no friends)
Fighting the wallow traps you longer. Wallow.
I disagree utterly with Sal about the friends. My friends save me, time and time and time again. Some go through recessive cycles where they're less eternally present than before, but they always return. Indeed, you're not as present as you used to be, also; and you'll be back in the circle of inanity and tolerance eventually.
It takes forever, Y, but one thing I found this year is that dating *just* so you're not thinking about it is pants.
If you're not into them, you shouldn't be into them. Drinking your friends to death is ultimately a healthier thing to do than spend weeks feeling guilty because you don't really all that much like a virtual stranger but you need to get out of the house.
Sorry, I project somewhat. :)
Vanessa
A quote that comes to mind....
`Change is as natural as breathing`
Remembering this has helped me through many times when i`ve felt `stuck.`
Jacqui
Stellar advice from all above. I've nothing new to add really except *hug*.
Hope things get better for you soon.
And go for the wallowing, make like a hippo.
It's funny how a handful of comments from complete strangers can somehow make some things better. Thank you kind people.
..ahem..`complete stranger`?!
Jacqui
oops, sorry, let me take that one back as gracefully as I can. There. I've taken it back. It should read : strangers and Jacqui.
Post a Comment