Way better than Mystic Meg

Whilst waiting for the bus home, I nodded at the billboard poster that asked: ‘wouldn’t you feel more confident if you knew what the future holds?’

In a way, I have always known what the future holds; for my family have taken great care to warn me.
Thanks to my grandmother, I know that I shall have an insufficient pension; she told me so when I was 18 and I hadn’t started to work yet and save up from my emoluments. She also told me, at age 7, when my adult teeth replaced the baby ones, that around the age of 55 or so they would be pulled out, and replaced with ill-fitting dentures. She warned me that every single relationship I would have in my entire life would end in tears and disappointment, because men are simply too childish and unreliable, and women too gullible.
Thanks to my mother, I know that my joints will crack or creak where hers are cracking or creaking; that the arch of my feet will collapse and that I will have to wear special insoles in my shoes; I also know that after the age of 55 or so it will be too late to start a meaningful relationship, and not just because I will be wearing ill-fitting dentures. I am also getting ample warning about the many manifestations of menopause; when I commented that I was still of a relatively tender age, she claimed that it was never too early to plan for it.

I brush and floss dutifully. That’s at least one area where I have some degree of control.