Naked

Naturally, I live in fear.

1. The classic dream of ‘I’m naked in a public place’ (alternative version: I’ve forgotten to put trousers /my wig on) has given way to ‘They have found my blog’.

2. They being the people who employ me, the people I work with, my lover, dates, casual acquaintances, my postman, the lady who rings up my two for the price of one shower gel at Boots. Especially the lady who rings up my shower gel at Boots, because she has that stern and piercing look that says: I know what you’re up to, and from the bottom of my checkout assistant heart, I disapprove of it, and all this shower gel will never wash out the dodgy stain of your morally reprehensible activities. £2.99, do you have a Boots card?

3. And then, yesterday, she said.. that’s my, my what exactly? My lover? she said: How are things in blogland? and I jumped. Blogland? Is she referring to my private playground? How does she know? Who told her? Has she found this place? After the pains in my arm had subsided and I was done with my inhaler I thought of all the things she shouldn’t read. Exes and excesses, rambles and yearnings. I can’t remember the rest of the conversation.

4. Today I’m ill. It’s probably somatic. I’ll see myself through the day one hot toddy at a time, every half an hour.