I have been…

…awaiting the imminent arrival of L, whom I haven’t seen in too whole years. She and I go back a long way, to that pretentious secondary school we attended in some conservative little town somewhere French and remote. She moved to Italy about the time I moved to England. Over those ten years I haven’t met anyone with more grace, integrity and determination, all rolled into 5’5 of blondeness. And she’s coming to see me!!!! For a whole week!!!

….working. Finding stability and recognition in work, which is worrying me. Will I turn into those middle-aged women who become their job when nothing else is left?

….neglecting the housework. I could stuff cushions with the amount of fluff shed by that feline creature I have. I was going to type ‘own’, but we all know who owns whom.

….resorting to lashings of fake tan lotion to try forget the fact that I’m feeling white and flabby and not in any state to go do something more long-lasting or grown-up about it.
I went swimming on Monday, though.

….unable to start reading a book not by Poppy Z Brite.

….thinking that three whole months away from my girlfriend is really too much to bear.

….deciding that I am unable to move to San Francisco as I am useless at making myself stand out in the job market, don’t have white enough teeth or California-developed social and networking skills, and generally little hubris.

…..awaiting that green card with bated breath so that I can plan my move to San Francisco.

….trying to decide if it was ‘baited’ or bated’. Well, it’s ‘bated’, but why does everyone spell it with an ‘i’?

…..having dreams of building houses, moving into houses ; these dreams always involve J – my housemate and friend, my mother, my girlfriend. In the dreams, I always end up living with my mother, and this worries me.

….eating large quantities of chocolate.