Quick, call the RSPCA

Key into lock, and finally home.

Miaow!
Nice to see you too, Chavo.
Miaow!
What do you mean, you haven’t been fed since I left?
Miaow….
You mean J didn’t feed you at all?
Miaow..
And he beat you every night with a stick?
Miaow!
And he locked you up in the cupboard, as well? Is that how you got so fat?
Miaow…
What do you mean, you’re a poor neglected moggy and I’m an irresponsible owner leaving you here with him?
Miaoooow.
Oh, and the only thing I can do to make amends is to feed you the entire tin of Kitekat right now?
Miaow!
Fine. Just let me shut the door and take my shoes off.

(Such a lesbian.)